The Seahawks Win: As Portrayed by a Non-Sports Fan

I am not a sports fan.  I never turn on a game, and only occassionally watch a game when Jon is watching.  And surprisingly, for as big a fan as Jon is, he really doesn’t watch much either.  So as it happens, I only watched maybe two partial Seahawks games all season.  Even though I am aware that our local team has been doing really well this year.  So in tribute to team spirit, I thought I would post about the game from my perspective.  Enjoy…

3:40 pm – Jon told me that the game started at 3:30, and then he went out for a run.  Despicable Me 2 just finished, so I turned off the DVD player and discovered the Post-Game Show on TV.  I watched for awhile, and they were all talking about the Seahawks.  I thought, maybe Jon got the time wrong and the game is over?  Very confusing.

3:50 pm – Jon comes home and I ask if he maybe got the time wrong.  He takes the remote and and turns the channel.  Apparently the Post-Game Show was for some other game.  The Seahawks are playing the 49ers.  I of course, don’t recognize their uniforms because they are so dark blue.  I was expecting the lighter blue and silver of the 1980s uniforms, since that is probably the last time I really watched a game.  I should know this, because people have been wearing dark blue and lime green all week – old memories die hard, I guess.

1st Quarter – The Seahawks are behind with a score of 0-3.  Jon is disgusted.  He decides the Seahawks are going to lose, so he turns off the TV and goes to take a nap.

3rd Quarter – Out of some weird curiosity, I turn the TV back on.  The Seahawks are still losing 13-17.  I half pay attention and the Seahawks managed to score a touchdown while I’m not looking.  Then they get a field goal.  I am always impressed by those field goal kickers.  If I were a football player, maybe I would be a kicker.  Less likely to get squashed that way.

Jon wakes up and comes downstairs.  I tell him that the Seahawks are now in the lead.  I’m not sure if he was more shocked by that, or by the fact that I was actually watching the game.

Then there was a play with a dropped ball, a big dogpile, and a 49ers guy who will be lucky to walk again.  I had to look away when they played the replay and you watched his leg bend in a way that it was never meant to.  UGH.  I’m sure that knee will haunt me in my dreams.  Like a bad horror movie.  By the way, the Bell Witch Haunting was a really bad horror movie.  Don’t watch it.  They deserve to die, just for being so stupid.

4th Quarter – The ball changed hands a few times in a way that made Jon cringe, then cheer, then cringe again.  Or maybe the cheering came before the cringing.  I’m not sure.  I find the whole game confusing.  Plus I wasn’t wearing my glasses, so I can’t really tell what’s going on.  It’s hard to see that little ball on the TV without my glasses.  I am getting old.  I miss my 20/20 vision.  I guess the 49ers almost got a touchdown.  And something about an interception.  And then a fumble.  Don’t quote me on all this – this is really just my perspective.

So now there are only about two and a half minutes left in the game, and the 49ers quarterback throws to the end zone.  Sherman (this is a Seahawk, just in case you are also not a football fan) jumps up and tips the ball away from the 49er guy and another Seahawks guy caught it.  I can’t remember that guy’s name.  Jon jumped out of his chair and started screaming and yelling.  Oliver was sitting on my lap, and was utterly terrified by the noise.  I tried to calm him down, but Oliver couldn’t take the yelling.  He ran away – I’m sure he went to hide under the bed.

Then Sherman grabbed that 49er guy’s ass – you know the guy who didn’t get to catch the ball.  I thought that in football you only grab your own teammates’ asses?  Why do they do this in football?  Do baseball players grab each other’s asses?  I’ve never seen anyone grab anybody’s ass after a half-marathon…  But I digress.  So then Sherman got into the other guy’s face, and the 49er guy pushed his face away.

I don’t support that kind of obnoxious behavior, from winners or losers.  Jon told me I should go easy on Sherman in this blog post, but there’s no reason for that kind of behavior.  I hope the coach gives him a dressing down…  Jon did tell me that Sherman got a 10 yard penalty for unsportsmanlike conduct.  I still don’t think it’s right.

Then they dawdle around on the field for awhile, before announcing the Seahawks win.  This is why I don’t watch football – there is far too much dawdling…

In the post-game interview, Sherman antagonizes the 49er guy more, calling him a mediocre player.  He says MEDIOCRE twice and he puts the emphasis on the word, to clearly indicate that he is taunting the other guy.  Jon tells me that Sherman hates 49ers.  But still – there’s no reason for that.  Don’t be that guy – you won.  Win gracefully.  I REALLY hope the coach gives him a dressing down.

So that’s it, friends.  That’s how the home team made it to the Superbowl.  If you would like, I can provide my commentary on that iconic game in a few weeks!  By then, I might have even figured out who they are playing.  I do know it is the 48th Superbowl, so I should get some credit for that.  And don’t worry, once Jon stopped yelling, Oliver came out from under the bed…  GO BLUE!  (Or whatever we call them…)