Tag Archive | humor

COVID Diaries: Day 133

Today our Governor suspended any movement through the reopening phases that he implemented several months ago.  Indefinitely.  The lock-down will continue.  I feel like we will never be done with this…

I’m having trouble adulting this week.  I’m tired of COVID, I’m tired of immature people, I’m tired of seeing so many people suffering.

So to provide something a bit more light, here are some things I’ve learned in lock-down.

  1. In an average week, I spend approximately 95% of my time alone; I’ve been loosely keeping track.  One week recently I got down to 90%; that was unusual.  No wonder I get lonely.
  2. On the marshmallow roasting curve, I’m a four.
  3. Since the lock-down began, I have read 19 books.
  4. I’m really, really craving a Scotch egg.
  5. I seriously think of taking the seats back out of my car, putting the bed back in, and taking off.  Every. Single. Day.  This leads to a lot of obsessing about my early retirement…
  6. I have done four puzzles since the lock-down started, but haven’t done any in the last month or so.  Maybe I should start a new one.
  7. Last night was the first night this summer that it was too hot too sleep.  I consider that an improvement from July 1, when I had to turn the heat back on.
  8. Recently I discovered that Costco is selling boozy otter pops and I may now be ruined for life.  Genius!
  9. Google “I smell like beef,” and watch the Katie Ryan YouTube video.  Trust me.
  10. Today I ate what was suspiciously like a Cheese Puff; it was in my bag of Cheetos.  It was all light and puffy and gross.  This describes everything that’s wrong with 2020.  There is no room in the world for cheese puffs.  2020 is a cheese puff.

But remember… We’ll get through this.  Together, but separate…

Who Thought Race Photos Were a Good Idea?

What’s up with race photos? I just don’t get the concept – let’s take photos of you doing something highly physical, when you are at your maximum level of exertion. Where you are hot, tired and sweaty, with no makeup and wet, sweaty hair. Nobody looks good under those circumstances – at least I don’t!

Perhaps they could do race day photos that are more like school photos. You know, where you get to pose before the race, in all your still dry gear, before your face is thirteen shades of crimson.

At school, nobody wielding a camera came into class during a test to memorialize all those squinchy, concentrating faces. Nobody came by to try to capture you in the cafeteria with food crammed in your face as you tried to eat it all in 2 seconds flat so you could get excused for recess. Nobody snapped away while all the blood rushed to your head as you hung upside down on the monkey bars… No, instead you got to pose all pretty in your nicest outfit and pretend that you always looked that put together.

Of course, even those posed school photos often went horribly awry. But there is a much better chance of looking good in a school photo vs. a race photo, statistically speaking.

I understand there are people who want the race photo – my friend had an aunt who always purchased the ‘crossing the finish line’ photo, and framed it in a shadow box with the finisher medal.  A bit obsessive if you ask me…

And in case you couldn’t guess, no, I won’t be buying the race package!  And I only feel slightly better that Jon didn’t look good in his photos either…

Happy Tuesday!