It’s been two months since my dad died. Life goes on – in many ways it speeds by faster than we ever expect or even want it to.
I still miss him terribly and think about him everyday. I think about the new job that I will never talk to him about. I think about the financial things I can’t ask him for advice on. I think about how much I know my mom misses him and I hurt for her.
I don’t cry every day anymore, but I still cry. It hits me at unexpected times. Sometimes I think I’m doing ok, and then I’m suddenly not. Like writing this post – although I suppose that could have been expected. His marker at the cemetery niche arrived two weeks ago and when I went to visit him, I cried harder than I have in a while. There wasn’t any new, fresh realization that he is gone, just a fresh wave of pain.
Blogger Lauren Herschel summed grief up pretty well with a theory she heard from her doctor. The ball in the box. The ball starts out being a really big ball in the box, and there is a pain button on the side of the box. When it bounces around, it hits the side of the box all the time and causes pain. Gradually, the ball gets smaller, and it doesn’t hit the side of the box quite as often. When it does though, it still hurts just as much. Grief is like that. You can read about it, because she does a better job explaining it (with pictures).
So as time marches on, I find myself smiling again, and laughing. There is joy and happiness in life, and I don’t want to miss that. But I still miss you dad.