Tag Archive | disappointment

COVID Diaries: Day 517

A few months ago it seemed that things were looking brighter.  The economy was opening up.  The lock downs were over.  Summer was starting.  I ended the COVID Diaries because it seemed that we could finally move on.  Tonight I am revisiting. 

I’ve been staring at a blank page for a few days, trying to find the words.  And not finding them.  Not finding the means to express the utter disappointment and anxiety I feel about the state of the country. 

I feel like I have never before seen people so pitted against each other on social media.  Maybe it’s true that people say things there that they wouldn’t say in real life.  But it is sad.  It is heartbreaking.  To see people calling others names for having an opinion that differs from your own.  To be attacking someone for their belief system or their choices because you would not have made the same choice.  To assume ill intent when all I have seen is sincere, educated people trying to make the best choices for themselves with the information that is available. 

And then you add in the world crises.  People dying around the world from the decisions and policies of governments over a good portion of my lifetime.  I have limited information, and my opinion is simply that – my opinion.  I try not to judge.  I tried to not cry as I drove to work this morning.  Exhausted. 

My therapist and I talked about the worry box this week.  A place to store those things which you cannot change.  To pack them away until such time that you give them attention, but only for a little while.  And then pack them away again to worry about only those things that you can control.  Tomorrow I will drive to work, write emails and plan for recruitments and counsel managers.  I will revise employment policies and implement insurance policies and get ready for our fall medical renewal.  I will look at old contracts and determine which ones can be destroyed because they are outdated.  I will talk to employees who have the same worries as I do, and keep mine hidden.  I will do those things which I can control. 

Help me to believe that people are inherently kind and good, as my faith is faltering.