This year has been the holy hell of years.
For me, at first it was the the losses. Losing my horse, relationship and friend within 6 weeks of each other in the middle of the worst part of the lockdown last spring. It’s been the isolation. The loneliness.
At the beginning of the pandemic, these were the things that were getting me down.
But lately, it is something else entirely. We are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. People should be filled with hope. It is spring; the light is back and the weather is better. But I’m struggling… I’ve been thinking a lot, trying to figure out why.
Lately, it has been the absolute vitriol that emits from the mouths (and fingers) of people who once were (or at least seemed) kind and reasonable. It’s the disregard for people’s feelings; it has turned into hatred for anyone who doesn’t agree with them. It’s the not knowing anymore who you can trust; it’s best to say nothing rather than cross someone. It’s the lies, the twisting of facts and the misrepresentation by meme…
I see some of my friends’ social media posts laced with profanity, name-calling anyone who might disagree with them. I see other friends using an opposite tactic – the I’m so enlightened/morally superior and I just can’t understand those morally inferior peons that believe something different. It’s tiring. It’s draining. The only thing I know is that opinions are like @s$h*l&s; everybody has one and they all stink…
I wonder if people think about the fact that you might someday need that person who has a different viewpoint than you. Maybe they have an in at that job you really want. Maybe they own that horse that your daughter really wants to ride. Maybe they can pull a few strings to get your husband that oncology consult… Why napalm the bridge? Maybe kindness really is the best policy. It used to be that you helped your neighbor. Now it seems like you first ask them to fill out a 5 page questionnaire to find out if their opinions align with yours… When did we stop being kind?
If it is draining for me to see so much hatred, I wonder how tiring it must be for them to carry it in their hearts. And I tell you, I am exhausted. Like about to go take a Vitamin D supplement and an Iron pill exhausted.
Please people. What happened to lifting each other up? What happened to straightening each others’ crowns? What happened to the Golden Rule? Listen to hear and learn, rather than to respond. This world won’t last very long if we don’t stop trying to tear each other down.
As for me, I’ll keep trying to claw my way back to happy. It hasn’t been easy. I haven’t been ok. There are days when I feel so let down by people that I want to give up and move to an off-grid cabin in the woods. I’m not quite ready to give up though…
“She knows who she is. She just forgot for a little while.” ― Donald Miller